Heartbeat
by AmyRoth
Summary: Secrets, Lies , Deception have all become a normal part of Hermione Granger's life. With food and weight beginning to dictate her life during her sixth year at Hogwarts can a certain blonde boy save her for herself in time? Even when he's the one who caused her disorder? WARNING: anorexia, purging,eating,disorder,disorders,depression
1. She Doesn't Feel Anymore

She couldn't remember how she ended up this way. She couldn't remember the last time she had eaten…the last time she was "normal". The sad part was she didn't even think he remembered what he had said to her, what truth he had revealed to her.

_Hermione sat in the library as usual, she managed to sneak some of the cake they had served in the Great Hall. She ate silently as she read, not noticing a certain blonde boy approaching her. _

"_The feast and first piece of cake not enough for you Granger? A voice sneered. _

_A stunned Hermione looked up from her book, revealing a half eaten cake as well. _

_Draco smirked, "Good thing your doing patrols tonight, God knows your going to need that exercise." _

_With that said the ferret walked away all smug, leaving a stunned Hermione who then had tears forming in her eyes and clearly unaware of the future damage he would cause. _

Hermione sighed as she gazed into the mirror. She examined her body. She had only lost two pounds this week, she was down to about 118. That number rang inside her head as she looked at her stomach from the side. She then yanked her shirt back down, covering her belly.

"You've got a long way to go Granger…a long way…" she whispered to herself as she opened her potions book on her desk. It was one of the perks of being head girl, she had her own room, bathroom, privacy. Except she had to share the living room and kitchen with that ferret, Draco Malfoy. Not that she was planning on spending much time in the kitchen anyways thanks to the ferret's revelation to her.

She was in control now, of her looks, her weight, and most importantly, what fat didn't dare enter her body any longer. She even took the effort in the morning to straighten her hair and de-frizz it with a charm she looked up. She even wore makeup.

Everyone at Hogwarts began to notice Hermione's transformation.

"You look great Hermione!" Harry said with a smile during class one day.

"Hermione, tell me where you found that charm to do you hair!" Ginny had gushed.

"Hermione, try not to get to many boys all over you, you hear?" Ron had said with a blush.

Even the great Prince of Slytherin didn't have one negative thing to say about Hermione.

Hermione gloated, she loved the feeling of being light, weightless, free when she went on her early morning runs. No one noticed how she skipped meals, or when it came time for dinner how she just sat there and muttered silent disappearing charms, making it seem as if she was eating her dinner. Hermione loved having control, it gave her peace of mind.

As fall left and winter came her morning runs slowly became night runs instead. That's when a certain blonde began to notice things. Hermione would never come back until 5pm, even when classes ended at 4pm. When she came back she was dressed in a muggle workout outfit, and was deathly pale and panting as she entered. She never spoke to Draco nor acknowledged him half the time, it was if she was in a trance. This bothered Draco. He didn't understand why he cared, he was a Malfoy. Malfoy's never cared for anyone but themselves. He decided it was because he simply didn't like to be ignored, yes that was it he decided.

"Oi, Granger! What's with you lately?" Draco demanded as he approached the studying Hermione. She was early today, it was 4:30, not the usual time she came around. And she wasn't too pale or panting this time.

"What's it to you Farret?" she snapped back, slamming her book shut as she rose out of her seat.

Draco then took the open spot on the couch. He shrugged, "Just wandering why you aren't out doing…whatever it is your usually doing at this time."

Hermione scoffed as she went into the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. "If you must know Malfoy, I usually go for a run after classes end, then come back. But today I didn't feel like it so I came back early to study."

Draco simply nodded, he now opened his own book to study. Little did he know, Hermione had discovered how to transform her room into her ideal gym in the mornings. So when it became too cold for her to run outside she still had a way to lose weight.

She then threw her empty water bottle away, scooped her books up and walked towards her room. She dropped her belongings on her bed and entered her bathroom. She stripped, avoiding eye contact with the mirror as she did so. She stepped on the scale she had in front of her mirror, she waited in agony. It finally read 113. She smiled, she felt joy, happiness, accomplished. She had lost 5 pounds in about a week, she only three more pounds to her goal weight of 110. She even felt confident enough to look at her body in the mirror. Her smile then froze when she looked at herself in the mirror. It then fell. She gasped in horror when she saw the (nonexistent mind you) fat on her stomach, her thighs, and face. Tear began to fall down her face, 113 wasn't good enough yet. The fat was still there, haunting her.

Hermione then searched her clothes for her wand. She then began to mark on her skin her new goal weight.

105 was written on her stomach.

Fat was written on her right leg

Worthless was written on her left leg.

Ugly was written on her right forearm.

Disgusting was written on her left forearm.

_** Author's Note: Well, that's the first chapter. And also, if you notice I write a lot of stories about eating disorders. Its because I have battled anorexia and bulimia for 3 years now. This is my way of telling people…without telling people if you know what I mean. But anyways…please read and review! And let me know if I should continue :) thanks God Bless!**_


	2. Suspicions

Hermione had to wear long sleeves the next day, it was cold anyways that day so it wouldn't raise any suspicion. She stared at her forearms as she locked her room behind her as she headed out of the Head dormitory and to her destination, the library. A place where she planned to spend most of her Saturday in. As she was about to exit the dormitory she crashed into the one person she was trying to avoid, Malfoy.

"Hey, watch where your going Granger!" he exclaimed, brushing his pants off as he brought himself back up from the floor.

Hermione quietly mumbled an apology, pulling her sleeves down quickly as well as she struggled to bring herself back up from the floor.

Draco sighed, extending his hand out to her. Why was she having such a hard time picking herself up? He wondered to himself.

Hermione held on to the end of her sleeve to hide her words as she reached for his hand. This gesture caused Malfoy to raise his brow in suspicion. As she exited the room, of course, because he was a Malfoy, he sneered " Not cutting ourselves now are we Granger?"

Hermione shot him a look of dismay before she quietly left the dormitory, leaving Draco to his thoughts.

Why did that look bother him so much? Why did he even say that about Granger? What if she really was harming her self? Malfoy thought as he sat by the fireplace, contemplating Hermione's strange behavior and why he was even alarmed by it in the first place.

At least he didn't notice the writing, Hermione thought as she made her way to the library. Wouldn't want the whole school thinking she was a cutter. Oh she could just visualize Malfoy having a field day with that. She could hear his taunting already. "You know Granger is a cutter, isn't it pathetic enough she's a Mudblood, but she's mentally unstable too!"

Hermione shook those thoughts away as she entered the library. She even smiled as she entered, it was her sanctuary, her safe place. The one place that didn't judge or ridicule her. Hermione began to browse the wide collection of books Hogwarts owned. She finally decided upon a few and then brought then to a table. She then made herself comfortable in the chair, allowing herself to lose herself in the sea of knowledge, ignoring her growling stomach.

Meanwhile Malfoy was immersed in his own thoughts, and all his thoughts seem to trail back to one person, Hermione Granger. This disturbed him greatly, he was taught from the time he was a child that Mudbloods had no place in the wizarding world, they were a nuisance with no purpose. But, strangely, he found himself intrigued by the girl. He wanted to know why she avoided him, and why she had become so submissive to his bullying. And why Hermione, wait did he just think of her as "Hermione"? He shook his head, looking at his watch, it read 12pm. "Great" he muttered to himself as he stretched himself off the coach, "Time for mid-day patrols then lunch, better go get Granger."

When Draco finally reached the library, he found Hermione, passed out on one of the many books she had read since the morning. She looked thinner then he last remembered, and a bit paler as well. He almost hesitated to wake her.

"Granger, you better get up now!" he demanded rather loudly, crossing his arms as he spoke.

Hermione groaned as she rubbed her droopy chocolate brown eyes. "What time is it Ferret?" she muttered, stretching herself out as she pulled herself up out of the chair.

"12 o'clock, we need to do mid-day patrols, then we can go to lunch." Malfoy replied, avoiding the name she just called him.

Hermione nodded sleepily, turning towards the exit.

As the pair completed their mid-day patrols they didn't run into much trouble, just a few third-years attempting to charm a first -year. When all was said and done they made their way to the Great Hall. Hermione began to silently panic. She was heading towards the one thing she wanted to avoid at all costs.

Draco noticed the strained look upon her face as they entered the Great Hall.

" Something the matter Granger?" he asked.

Hermione shot him a look of anger, "No, now leave me alone!" she snapped, storming away into the Great Hall. There she made her way to her friends.

Draco simply shrugged, then made his way to his own posse.

"Hey Hermione, how are you?" Ginny asked sweetly as Hermione sat down across from her.

Hermione gave her a small smile, "I'm good, thanks Gin."

"It feels like we haven't seen you in ages Hermione!" Harry said with a laugh, grabbing a bowl of chicken soup and a piece of biscuit to go with it.

Ron nodded in agreement, his mouth too full for him to speak at the moment.

Hermione gave another small smile to her friends, grabbing a bowl of soup as well, but only drinking the broth. It tasted good to her, it warmed her shivering body up, and didn't have a terrible amount of calories. She then excused herself from her friends, claiming to have more homework.

Little did she know a certain blonde boy was observing her from the Slytherin table. Yes, Draco thought to himself, something defiantly wasn't right.

_**Author's Note: THANKS TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED THIS STORY! I love reviews! I really do! When people favor and review my story it absolutely makes my day and pushes me to update quicker! Thanks, and continue to review!**_


	3. Chapter 3 Preview

Hermione Granger found it (for the very first time in her life) very hard to concentrate on the homework she was attempting in the library this particular evening. Her mind kept wandering aimlessly, all thoughts seeming to lead to food. Hermione finally gave up, noting she was working on homework that wasn't due till next week as she slammed her book shut and gathered her belongs to go back to her room where she could then exercise and get her mind off things.

When she finally arrived to her and Draco's dormitory she wondered why it suddenly became so winding to walk from the library to her dormitory, it never was before. She suddenly shrugged that thought away as she entered the portrait. When she arrived she noticed Draco cooking in the kitchen. "Since when does the ferret cook?" she thought to herself as she quickened her pace as the aroma of chicken began to engulf her.

Draco noticed this strange behavior of avoidance as Hermione scurried off to her room as usual; looking even paler than she had a week ago. He sighed as he placed his chicken breasts on a plate, something about Hermione just wasn't right and it irked him how she was suffering plain as day in his sight and he was too much of a coward to do anything about it. Draco was also conflicted on his feelings for the girl, if his father knew about his thoughts he would surely disown him, or worse have him killed. His father had literally beaten into him at a young age that Mudblood were no good, neusciences, the very plague of wizard society, and any pureblood wizard who bothered to socialize or show them kindness was a traitor. Draco had his own demons to battle and those battles were the very thing that kept him from discovering Hermione's secret.

"Granger, would you like some dinner? Not that I care or anything, it's just a suggestion…" Malfoy asked, giving her door a light knock. After a few moments he finally grew worried and turned the knob, it was unlocked. He went ahead and opened the door, only to see Hermione's room transformed into an athlete's dream gym. He quickly spotted Hermione running on a treadmill. "She looks so tired, sick even…" he thought to himself as he attempted to turn back out of her room, it was already too late though, she had already spotted him.

"Malfoy!" she screeched, struggling to shut the machine off. When she finally was able to step off the treadmill she began to yell once again between heavy pants. "Why-must-you-barge-in-?"

"Are you okay?" Draco asked subconsciously as she approached closer to him. He studied her closely as she rushed towards him, he could easily tell she lost a lot of weight from a few weeks ago, and even then she was always on the slimmer side.

Hermione suddenly began to push Draco out of her room, "Malfoy-get-out-of-my-room!" she shrieked, clearly struggling to push him out of her room.

"Fine!" Draco shouted back, taking a step out of her room, "I just wanted to know if you wanted to eat! Gosh Granger!"

**Author's Note: I hope you guys enjoyed that preview! I hope to finish this chapter soon! Please read and review! **


	4. Wild Heart

**_The tongue can bring death or life; those who love to talk will reap the consequences _**

**_Proverbs 18:21_**

Hermione Granger found it (for the very first time in her life) very hard to concentrate on the homework she was attempting in the library this particular evening. Her mind kept wandering aimlessly, all thoughts seeming to lead to food. Hermione finally gave up, noting she was working on homework that wasn't due till next week as she slammed her book shut and gathered her belongs to go back to her room where she could then exercise and get her mind off things.

When she finally arrived to her and Draco's dormitory she wondered why it suddenly became so winding to walk from the library to her dormitory, it never was before. She suddenly shrugged that thought away as she entered the portrait. When she arrived she noticed Draco cooking in the kitchen. "Since when does the ferret cook?" she thought to herself as she quickened her pace as the aroma of chicken began to engulf her.

Draco noticed this strange behavior of avoidance as Hermione scurried off to her room as usual; looking even paler than she had a week ago. He sighed as he placed his chicken breasts on a plate, something about Hermione just wasn't right and it irked him how she was suffering plain as day in his sight and he was too much of a coward to do anything about it. Draco was also conflicted on his feelings for the girl, if his father knew about his thoughts he would surely disown him, or worse have him killed. His father had literally beaten into him at a young age that Mudblood were no good, neusciences, the very plague of wizard society, and any pureblood wizard who bothered to socialize or show them kindness was a traitor. Draco had his own demons to battle and those battles were the very thing that kept him from discovering Hermione's secret.

"Granger, would you like some dinner? Not that I care or anything, it's just a suggestion…" Malfoy asked, giving her door a light knock. After a few moments he finally grew worried and turned the knob, it was unlocked. He went ahead and opened the door, only to see Hermione's room transformed into an athlete's dream gym. He quickly spotted Hermione running on a treadmill. "She looks so tired, sick even…" he thought to himself as he attempted to turn back out of her room, it was already too late though, she had already spotted him.

"Malfoy!" she screeched, struggling to shut the machine off. When she finally was able to step off the treadmill she began to yell once again between heavy pants. "Why-must-you-barge-in-?"

"Are you okay?" Draco asked subconsciously as she approached closer to him. He studied her closely as she rushed towards him, he could easily tell she lost a lot of weight from a few weeks ago, and even then she was always on the slimmer side.

Hermione suddenly began to push Draco out of her room, "Malfoy-get-out-of-my-room!" she shrieked, clearly struggling to push him out of her room.

"Fine!" Draco shouted back, taking a step out of her room, "I just wanted to know if you wanted to eat! Gosh Granger!"

"Just leave me alone!" Hermione shouted back, slamming the door harshly in Draco's face. This behavior struck Draco as extremely odd. Denying the part of him that told him to just leave her alone he immediately knocked on the door loudly.

"Granger, open up! You're not acting right at all!"

"Why do you care, Malfoy?" she shouted back.

Draco paused for a moment,Granger did have a point there. "I just do Granger! Just open up!"

After a few silent moments, her knob slowly turned, opening the door that revealed the shell of a girl who used to be Hermione Granger.

"Make it quick, Malfoy, okay?" she muttered softly as she allowed him, out of all people, into her room which was now back to normal.

Malfoy took the lead and motioned for her to follow him to her bed. His heart rate was accelerating, just as his nerves were all jumbled as he took a seat on her soft bed. He still didn't understand why he thought it was important to know what was wrong with Granger. If his father knew he was even sitting in the same room as her, neverless her room, he would most likely disown him. He took a deep breath as she slowly sat down across from him at the corner of her bed. He took a moment to take in her beauty despite her severe weight loss. Wait a minute, beauty? He shook those thoughts away as he prepared himself for his questioning.

"Is everything alright, Granger? You look sick, and what were you doing with all that workout equipment? I never see you eat anymore, and you're never happy anymore, not even around Potter and Weasley."

Hermione stared at him blankly before answering attempting to process this different ,more concerned Malfoy. "Malfoy, it is none of your damn business what I do,and what I do to my own body and what emotions I feel! Besides, why do you care, once again I ask you this! Give me a straight answer! I want the truth from you...and maybe, just maybe I'll tell you the truth as well..."

Draco sighed, "Fine, I'm concerned about you because...maybe I'm not what you thought I was. I'm not a bad person. Nor am I as cold and uncaring as you depict me to be."

Hermione's brow raised in sudden curiosity, "So...its all just an act?" she asked.

Draco shrugged, "It's how I was raised and beaten to be...when I was a kid I thought I was doing what was acceptable, what was right. But now...I'm confused...conflicted. I'm not sure who I am or what I want to be..."

Hermione's anger suddenly cooled, replaced by sympathy and understanding (somewhat). "Well...do you want me to tell you about the truth you revealed to me?" she asked.

Draco suddenly grew confused, not quite understanding what she meant. "What truth?" he asked.

Hermione gulped, not believing she was saying this or this situation was happening. "That I wasn't good enough for the world...that I'm...that I'm a pig...unworthy and fat..."

Draco's eyes widened as guilt surged through him like a tsunami. He stumbled upon his words as he took in what Hermione had just said. "I-I made you...I made you do this to yourself?"

"Pathetic, right?" she stated plainly. Draco simply shook his head in disbelief.

"I'm so sorry Hermione...I never meant to...I'm just a horrible person..." Draco choked.

Hermione simply shrugged while saying "No Draco, you just made me see what I really was. And...did you just call me "Hermione"?" she said with a small smirk, almost expecting Draco to smile back, instead she got a look of despair in return to her smile.

"Hermione...what have I done to you?" Draco whispered to himself.


	5. To Be Loved

_Hermione's anger suddenly cooled, replaced by sympathy and understanding (somewhat). "Well...do you want me to tell you about the truth you revealed to me?" she asked._

_Draco suddenly grew confused, not quite understanding what she meant. "What truth?" he asked._

_Hermione gulped, not believing she was saying this or this situation was happening. "That I wasn't good enough for the world...that I'm...that I'm a pig...unworthy and fat..."_

_Draco's eyes widened as guilt surged through him like a tsunami. He stumbled upon his words as he took in what Hermione had just said. "I-I made you...I made you do this to yourself?"_

_"Pathetic, right?" she stated plainly. Draco simply shook his head in disbelief._

_"I'm so sorry Hermione...I never meant to...I'm just a horrible person..." Draco choked._

_Hermione simply shrugged while saying "No Draco, you just made me see what I really was. And...did you just call me "Hermione"?" she said with a small smirk, almost expecting Draco to smile back, instead she got a look of despair in return to her smile._

_"Hermione...what have I done to you?" Draco whispered to himself._

* * *

Draco had left her by herself at that, he didn't know what to say. What could he say? He cost the girl her health, physically and mentally. Seeing her like that made him realize, mudblood or not, she was a human. He had to do something to help her, but what? Suddenly he knocked on her door once more.

After a moment Hermione slowly opened up. She gave him a questioning look, a haunting look that would stay with Draco forever.

"I'm going to help you." he stated softly.

Stunned by his gentleness Hermione just stared at him for a moment before answering. "Help me with what?" she questioned.

Holding back his frustration, "With your eating problem Hermione!" he shot back.

"I know...I know I eat too much Draco! I'm working on it!" she shouted back.

"Hermione, please listen to me! You barely eat anything! You look sick!" Draco exclaimed, just hoping he could get through to her.

"Isn't that what you wanted? To see the mudblood dead?" she responded venomously.

"I may be cold-blooded Granger, but I'm no cold-blooded **killer**! Come with me!" he shouted furiously while grabbing her frail arm.

"Where are you taking me! Let go Malfoy!" she screamed, struggling to release herself from his grasp. He eventually tossed her over his shoulder, causing her to beat against his back as he carried her to the kitchen. "No, get me away from here!" she screamed as he set her down at the bar stool.

"Not till you eat something!" Draco demanded back as he started preparing her a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

"I'm not eating it Draco! You can't force me to!" she sneered as he pushed the sandwich in front of her. She nose curled in disgust as she took in the aroma. She crossed her arms against her chest and shot Draco a death stare.

_Damn Granger for being so hard headed!_ Draco thought, "Well, I'm not leaving and neither are you until you eat that sandwich!"

_His care is precious but doesn't he realize I'm not good enough for this? Wait, did I just think about Malfoy being precious!?_ Hermione thought as she continued to stare at Draco. _Well, he is kind of handsome...Granger! Get a hold of yourself right now! He would never think of you that way! Your no where near as thin and smart and as beautiful as you would need to be for him to even think about you like that! He's just trying to cover his own tracks! Eat, then throw it up! Get him away from you!_

Granger slowly reached for the sandwich, earning a look of approval from Draco, she slowly took a bite. The flavor of the peanut butter and jelly tasted so foreign, it felt like a wave of relief flooding through her body as she continued to eat. Suddenly she realized Draco was watching her every motion, she put the sandwich down quickly, embarrassed at how immersed she was with her meal. "Sorry I have no control..." she whispered as she got up to get a glass of water for herself. It made it easier to get rid of later.

Draco just looked at her sadly as she began to drink her water. He couldn't help but notice how she avoided looking at him as she put her dishes in the sink and silently escaped back to her room. He would have to continue to help her...no matter the cost.

Meanwhile Hermione locked her door once again silently. She crept to her bathroom and locked herself in, avoiding the mirror as usual she crouched down to the toilet, she didn't want to do this, but the voices in her head refused to let her rest in peace until she did. She stuck a finger down her throat and gave a soft gag as she waited for her meal to come up. After a few shoved it came.

_That's for thinking you were too thin_

She threw up a little more.

_That's for thinking you could be loved_

She threw up a little more once more.

_And this is for thinking you could ever be loved by someone like Draco._

One final shove and it was all out.

Hermione gasped as she flushed the toilet, wiping her tears away with a towel she ran the sink water. She rinsed out her throat with the sink water, then proceeded to brush her teen. She then washed her face and then her hands. She routinely avoided the mirror as she walked back into her room,undressing and then dressing into her night time climbed into bed hoping Draco's kindness that day was just a dream, she then slowly drifted off into a silent slumber, dreaming of a certain blonde.

_**Author's Note: Sorry for the wait for the update! I will try to update again very soon! Please read and review! Also if you have any ideas or suggestions for the story let me know!**_


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